The older I get, the more I believe gratitude is at the heart of true happiness. It’s the “secret sauce” that binds everything else together and makes happiness such a delicious state of mind.
“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”
~ G.K. Chesterton (A Short History of England (1917))
Gratitude must be intentional
I’m slowing down a bit these days, but for years, I hit the floor running. It was not uncommon for me to get to the end of a busy day and realize I had not stopped to be grateful even once, even though at least one—often many—of the following took place:
I woke up.
I had food to eat.
I had a roof over my head.
I had meaningful work.
I wasn’t afraid to leave our house.
I had access to clean water.
I enjoyed the benefits of indoor plumbing.
I passed a beautiful sight sometime today.
I heard something that made me smile.
I received a compliment.
I received a gift.
Developing some kind of gratitude practice is so important to keep us from letting these precious moments slip by unnoticed. It makes us more mindful of our many blessings and builds a reservoir of good energy inside us to make us more resilient when times are not so good.
Intentional gratitude can involve action or just reflection. Action might include writing letters to say thank you to people who have made a difference in our lives or reciprocating kindness. It might also include keeping a gratitude journal or regularly making a short list of things for which we’re grateful.
Reflection is being aware of those moments of pleasure throughout our day and giving thanks for them.
Why does gratitude make us happier?
Gratitude, at its core, is about connection—connecting with a gift, a feeling, or an experience. Gratitude creates fellowship with the purveyor of that gift, feeling, or experience, whether it is our higher power or another person. Expressing gratitude creates a loving feeling and guards us against taking anything—or anyone—for granted.
Expressing gratitude to someone is, in a very real sense, giving them a gift too!
But who’s happy all the time?
No one.
And the scriptural directive to be thankful in all circumstances is pretty hard to swallow when life throws us a curve, as it has an alarming propensity to do. Yet there is no ambiguity in the directive from St. Paul to the Thessalonians:
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I Thessalonians 5:18
But I don’t feel grateful!
In an exercise from his book Gratitude Works: a 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity (and presented as an exercise in the November 2014 issue of O Magazine), Robert A. Emmons, PhD. suggests when you don’t feel very grateful, it’s most likely for one or two reasons: malaise (i.e. despondency) or crankiness (irritability, peevishness).
If you’re feeling down, he suggests that the next time you enjoy the smallest pleasure, contemplate what life would be like without it or think about how much you would appreciate it if you’d been deprived of it for a long time.
If you’re really feeling cranky, don’t fight it, Emmons says. Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, and even bad years. He suggests trying to be grateful for something in the future—something that will bring you beyond—and out of—your current ungrateful feeling. Psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger was once asked what action he would recommend if a person were to feel a nervous breakdown coming on. He said, “Lock up your house, go across the railroad tracks, and find someone in need and do something for him.” Helping someone in need often makes us realize how much we have for which to be thankful.
Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves and spend without fear of bankruptcy.
~ Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
NOTE: This post was adapted from an earlier post on my blog “Gratitude, The Secret Sauce In The Recipe For Happiness.”
About our author: Elizabeth H. Cottrell is a founding member of the Inspired Community and award-winning author. She teaches us how to write heartspoken notes that connect, comfort, encourage, and inspire…notes that nourish our most important personal and professional relationships.
It’s such a treat to get unique points-of-view from our guest writers. If you have a story idea for the Inkspired Community newsletter, direct message
.
I like that I have permission to have a bad day, week, month, and maybe even a year, when I sometimes don't feel so grateful. The deepest part of me is almost always thankful for even the smallest of gifts (the shower head didn't spurt sideways and ruin my hair today, the infusion I had to have yesterday didn't make me sick yet; I may have discovered my new side hustle) so just for today I'm happy for no reason and grateful for this article. I'll remember it the next time things aren't going so well, and give myself permission to be okay. Thank you.
Loved your post, Elizabeth! Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for those around me who give me so much support 🌱