I've told my children that I will trust them when they tell me it's time to stop driving. Of course, I will still expect to go places, so they will be responsible for that. I want to have these conversations with them now just in case I cannot have them later.
I hope I’ve prepared my dad for when the time comes. I decided to have a conversation with him a few years ago about when that time comes for him to stop driving. I asked him if when I brought up the subject when the time came, would he trust me enough to know that it was time. He was a little taken aback by the conversation, but it was also no where near ‘that time’ so it didn’t feel threatening to his freedom. I didn’t get much of an answer but I hope I’ve seeded that future conversation so it doesn’t become issue when the time does come. He’s 84 and still in good health mentally and physically so I keep my fingers crossed that it will be while yet!
Can relate. Our dad (may he rest in peace) was as stubborn as a mule when it came to discussing 'the keys'. Not 'the car' or 'the driving', but 'the keys'. He wouldn't have a bar of it. In the end we reluctantly had to make a call to the licence office. They contacted dad to officially re-assess his capacity to drive (safely for all concerned). That involved a government supplied driving assessment in his own car. Dad and the driving assessor plus a second assessor joined dad in his car for a 20 minute driving test. Not 5 minutes later they were back. They never made it out of the street. Dad's licence was revoked on the spot. 'The keys' were to be hung up like a retired boxer's gloves. And from that day forward - dad was convinced the whole ordeal was a contrived conspiracy theory. We'd "stitched him up". 😄. I laugh now but it was a sad time for dad. His independence stripped from him. Had to be though. He was a risk to himself and other road users.
You had me to the end on this one, Maryan. Dad was the toughest for me and my four siblings, but his own decreasing mobility gave us the leverage we needed to get the job done, sprinkled in with two little "pills" to sweeten the deal: 1) Since we knew the argument that he might hurt himself wouldn't matter, we added the reminder that he might hurt someone else. That made him pause and 2) We suggested his granddaughter who had just left for college really needed a car and why didn't he give her his car.
Thankfully, Mom began by always having us drive her when we came to visit (and we visited a lot). Then there were a few months when she never used the car but couldn't quite part with it. By then, she had gotten out of the habit and was willing to give her car to charity and feel good about that.
This is great. My dad used to sneak out and drive when he wasn’t supposed to. I hope when I get to the age of giving up my keys there will be self/driving cars available. Then I can read a book or take a nap on my way to errands.
I've told my children that I will trust them when they tell me it's time to stop driving. Of course, I will still expect to go places, so they will be responsible for that. I want to have these conversations with them now just in case I cannot have them later.
Always good to be prepared!
I have a sneaking suspicion that they will let me drive a long time.
I hope I’ve prepared my dad for when the time comes. I decided to have a conversation with him a few years ago about when that time comes for him to stop driving. I asked him if when I brought up the subject when the time came, would he trust me enough to know that it was time. He was a little taken aback by the conversation, but it was also no where near ‘that time’ so it didn’t feel threatening to his freedom. I didn’t get much of an answer but I hope I’ve seeded that future conversation so it doesn’t become issue when the time does come. He’s 84 and still in good health mentally and physically so I keep my fingers crossed that it will be while yet!
Sounds like a really compassionate, empathetic approach. It's never easy.
Can relate. Our dad (may he rest in peace) was as stubborn as a mule when it came to discussing 'the keys'. Not 'the car' or 'the driving', but 'the keys'. He wouldn't have a bar of it. In the end we reluctantly had to make a call to the licence office. They contacted dad to officially re-assess his capacity to drive (safely for all concerned). That involved a government supplied driving assessment in his own car. Dad and the driving assessor plus a second assessor joined dad in his car for a 20 minute driving test. Not 5 minutes later they were back. They never made it out of the street. Dad's licence was revoked on the spot. 'The keys' were to be hung up like a retired boxer's gloves. And from that day forward - dad was convinced the whole ordeal was a contrived conspiracy theory. We'd "stitched him up". 😄. I laugh now but it was a sad time for dad. His independence stripped from him. Had to be though. He was a risk to himself and other road users.
A sad but relatable story. Thanks for sharing it with us. It's so hard to make these decisions and then take action, isn't it?
You had me to the end on this one, Maryan. Dad was the toughest for me and my four siblings, but his own decreasing mobility gave us the leverage we needed to get the job done, sprinkled in with two little "pills" to sweeten the deal: 1) Since we knew the argument that he might hurt himself wouldn't matter, we added the reminder that he might hurt someone else. That made him pause and 2) We suggested his granddaughter who had just left for college really needed a car and why didn't he give her his car.
Thankfully, Mom began by always having us drive her when we came to visit (and we visited a lot). Then there were a few months when she never used the car but couldn't quite part with it. By then, she had gotten out of the habit and was willing to give her car to charity and feel good about that.
It's such an emotional time of passage--so much is wrapped up in our driving persona, isn't it? Sounds like you guys managed it quite well.
We were fortunate. My father’s father fought his grown kids tooth and nail.
This is great. My dad used to sneak out and drive when he wasn’t supposed to. I hope when I get to the age of giving up my keys there will be self/driving cars available. Then I can read a book or take a nap on my way to errands.
What an outstanding thought!!